i'm sorry.

i'm sorry. i donnoe wat happen to me juz now. i'm not angry wif u. it's not called jealousy, it's not called vinegar. it's not ur fault. i donnoe wat's that sudden emotion called. 18 yrs in my life. this is the first time i got this emotion. heart beat increased times 10. face went burning. my mind was racing. throat feel choked. eyes roaming around. desperately trying not to look into ur eyes. i seriously donnoe wat the hell happened. i'm sorry.

this few days are the worst.
got home, saw her eating dinner. din even bother to buy dinner for me. fine. i cooked instant noodles myself. she saw my food. she wans. to avoid anymore insults and critics frm u that i purposely lure her wif my food and torture her by not giving her any food, i gave. thats on top of the whole pack of dinner she had. i ate wats left - 2 to 3 mouthfuls of my noodles. u think that can fill half of my stomach?
fine. went to cook again. instant noodles. as i was eating, u gave me her leftovers. wat am i? a dog? i believe i deserve something more than leftovers.

wat could get worse? can someone help me get outta this freaking shitty mess?
am i really so worthless? so useless? so unwanted?
watever.
u knoe how desperately i feel like crying? to cry and scream out loud? maybe then i'll feel better.
my heart feels choked. like the valves not working properly and all the backflow of the blood is choking up the ventricles of my heart.
i hope this is only temporal. i hope God sends someone to clear my heart. soon. cuz it's killing me.